©2012, Mirror Image Presentations
AUTHOR’S CAVEAT: This post has not been edited since 2012. I make no apologies for over use of the words have, had, that, misplaced or missing commas, or overuse of exclamation points!
Here’s a laugh — last night I was laying in bed and began to LOL — laugh out loud, something that was really unexpected. What was he laughing at you may ask? I was recalling my memories of watching some of my favorite comics on stage. I can only paraphrase from memory, but here are some of the lines that set me LOLing:
“People in Los Angeles judge you by your looks. Thank God! These days, guys today don’t even want to pay for dinner. They invite you for coffee. Coffee is like a job interview. I don’t just show up looking like this. It takes a village to put this together. You want to meet for coffee, expect me to show up in my pajamas with bad breath. That’s how I take my coffee.” (Are you wearing curlers, too?) It’s Magdalena’s attitude that’s so funny but if you’ve seen her on stage, you know this.
I’m so sorry, Fella Educator; I forgot your name but not your material, your face, or your timing. “Facebook. It should be called Bragbook. My friend’s taken a year off to travel the world. You know what kind of pictures she’s gonna send me; ‘Here I am in front of the Taj Mahal. Here I am drinking a glass of wine in Paris.’ I’m gonna send her a picture: “Here’s me in Van Nuys dunking at Dunkin’ Donuts!” “Facebook — do you really want a guy in your life who twenty years ago took away your virginity and now HE WANTS A KIDNEY???” And then there’s TwoFace book…” Funny, funny, funny!
“I’m ma-rried! Look at my rock! He did well, didn’t he??”
“He did well — that’s what I tell my dog when he takes a poop!”
“Questions, questions, so many stupid questions! You almost done in there? How long is it gonna take you?” If he wasn’t my boss I’d tell him: ‘it’s gonna take me as long as it’s gonna take me!’ — All these stupid questions!”
“I tell my doctor, ‘heal me!'” She says, “I’m not that kind of doctor. You’re a comic? Tell me a joke.” “Well, I’m not that kind of comic now heal me. We could go on all day like this.”
“Mom, why didn’t you tell me I’m part Indian and I would have opened a casino instead of having to work so hard!”
“Look Mom! I made it!”
“Let me tell you a joke. A comic goes to Los Angeles … That’s where the joke ends!”
“I’d like to close with the impression of my father in the 80’s — “Snort — yeah, he had really bad allergies.”
And of course, there’s the SNIP guy; Survivors of Neurotic Interrupting Parents with the P.S.A. warning cheaters about the new Spy Kit program — oh but wait — that was me laughing at myself!”
And what made me get up one last time to pee, (and check the twelve locks on my door) whatever the heck it was that one of our last comics was doing in the shower with the rubber face, the twelve locks on the door and all the amazing onomotopia — “Huuuunnnh???” Only Lily Tomlin has more rubber in her face! Whatever you were doing up there in the shower — You are hilarious!
I’ve left out so many funny lines from so many funny people. If you feel left out, let me know and I’ll have to see you again to internalize and I hope I do! Funny people: keep me posted please!
And in closing I have only this to say:
there is one life,
God, whole, perfect, complete.
This is my life, my God now.
I know this is truth because I speak my word.
I accept all my good and more coming to me in abundance.
I give thanks for the blessings of laughter.
I release this laughter to return to me multiplied.
And so it is.